Overcoming Fear + ”Killed By Despair”
Killed By Despair.
The other morning, as I was getting ready, I had a random thought: “Saul was not killed by the enemy, but killed by despair.”
I like getting ready thoughts and car thoughts, and other isolated, quiet, all-alone sort of thoughts. If they’re ‘good thoughts,’ they’re God thoughts. He can speak so clearly in moments of solitude—even if you’re rinsing shampoo out of your hair. 😉
As random thoughts often go, it has reoccurred in my mind several times over the last few days. Last night, I sat down with my Santa Bible, and started to leaf through it—so many verses leapt off the pages. (Please note: “Santa Bible” is how I sometimes refer to my Bible with my kids. It is part Spanish, part English. Not sure how that originated but wanted to explain just in case you wondered. Now you know.) God brought to mind so many beautiful memories of where I was when specific verses had ministered to my soul, and HOW they ministered. As I sat there, the thought of Saul came back to me again: “Saul was killed by despair, not by the enemy.”
1 Samuel 31:3 in NLT: “The fighting grew very fierce around Saul, and the Philistine archers caught up with him, and wounded him severely.”
I looked up several words in Hebrew and read the Matthew Henry commentary on the passage, and nowhere do I see that the “severe wounding” was mortal or fatal, or that it had to be. The King James Version says, “…he was sore wounded by the archers.” The story unfolds like this: he begs his armor-bearer to kill him out of fear: “…lest these uncircumcised come and thrust me through and abuse me.” Saul decides to “end it all” based on a picture painted in his mind with the palette of fear. The armorbearer refuses to end Saul’s life, so Saul takes matters into his own hands: “Therefore, Saul took a sword and fell upon it.” (v. 4) “And when his armorbearer realized Saul was dead, he fell on his own sword and died beside the king.” (v. 5 in NLT) “So Saul died, and his sons, and his armourbearer, and ALL HIS MEN, that same day together.” (v. 6 in KJV)
It is possible that Saul could have survived the wounding and left the battlefield with scars and stories of a narrow escape. It is possible that the story could’ve ended differently had he chosen to operate in something other than despair. (“Despair,” as defined by Miriam Webster is: 1. Utter loss of hope 2. A cause of hopelessness) I believe it is possible that Saul could have walked away with war wounds and a testimony to God’s faithfulness, but allowed fear, dread, and despair to choose a sad and sorry ending. Not only did Saul die at his own hand, but his closest protector died and those under his leadership died. 1 Samuel 31:6 says, “all his men,” and 1 Chronicles 10:6 says, “All his house died together.” Saul’s choice to operate in fear was costly—not only for himself, but for many others.
Ultimately, we see in 1 Chronicles 10:13-14 that his death was of God and because of a pattern of disobedience and an unrepentant, uncommitted heart. “…Therefore He (God) slew him, and turned the kingdom over to David…”
To see a different ending, we would have to back the story way up. Saul, though called, anointed, and positioned by God, had operated in flesh and not in faith. He had acted in fear, and not in hope. He had acted in self-will and not waited patiently on God’s will. Throughout Saul’s reign, we see decisions based on human understanding. We see that Saul’s hand is “forced,” because he allows fear to predict the future.
The Bible says Saul was a “choice young man, and a goodly (LOL) and there was not among the children of Israel a goodlier person than he…” (1 Samuel 9:2) But from the very earliest days of his leadership, we see fear rule his decision-making. 1 Samuel 13 shows the first battle set in array against Saul. (v. 6) “When the men of Israel saw that they were in a strait (for the people were distressed,) and the people did hide themselves in caves, and in thickets, and in rocks, and in high places, and in pits…as for Saul, he was yet in Gilgal, and all the people followed him trembling.” Wow. What a picture of fear and despair leading from day one. From there, Saul steps out of his role and offers a sacrifice… “because I saw that the people were scattered before me.”
From those very first moments, fear and a fleshly view caused him to walk in disobedience. He had reigned two years when the kingdom was taken away. Samuel says: “Thou hast done foolishly: thou hast not kept the commandment of the Lord thy God, which he commanded thee: for now would the Lord have established thy kingdom forever. But now thy kingdom shall not continue…because thou hast not kept that which the Lord commanded thee….” (1 Samuel 13:13-14)
Fear led to disobedience. Despair dictated his future. We see throughout the timeline of Saul’s life, decision after decision forced by fear. As John wrote: “Fear has torment.”
· Saul operates in disobedience and rebellion when he does not utterly destroy the Amalekites: in his own words: “…because I FEARED the people, and obeyed their voice.”
· When the giant Goliath rears his ugly head and shouts taunts at the Israelites we read: “When Saul and all Israel heard the words of the Philistine, they were dismayed, and GREATLY AFRAID…” (1 Samuel 17:11) Goliath was an easily defeated enemy with a loud mouth. Saul listened to the chants of despair shouted across the valley instead of trusting in the deliverance of a great God. David arrived on the scene, a “ruddy youth” who knew the character of his great God. David valiantly, fearlessly, and heroically says, “Is there not a cause?...let no man’s heart fail because of him.” (1 Samuel 17:29/32) We know the end of the story. Fear caused Saul to falter. Faith caused David favor, following victory. From that moment, David was elevated in the eyes of the people, and God advanced his calling and prepared him to fearlessly lead His kingdom.
· Fear lead to jealousy. “Saul was AFRAID of David, because the Lord was with him…” Saul hurls javelins, chases David like a madman, and loses his mind because of fear and despair. Fear and jealousy led Saul to spend weeks and months in caves when he could have been sleeping in a castle. The jealousy is so severe that he even tries to kill his own son, Jonathan, David’s close companion. “…and Saul cast a javelin at him to smite him.” (1 Samuel 20:33)
Clearly, fear was a key player in Saul’s life. In a word search for “afraid” and “Saul,” we see that Saul is recorded to be afraid six times:
· He was afraid of the voice of the enemy (1 Samuel 17:11)
· He was afraid of David (1 Samuel 18:12, 15, 29)
· He was afraid of the words of Samuel (1 Samuel 28:20)
· He was afraid of the host of the enemy. That fear drove him to the extent of witchcraft. (1 Samuel 28:4-25)
Contrast that with a word search for “fear” and “David.” We see that:
· People are afraid of HIM
· He is afraid of God (2 Samuel 6:9, 1 Chronicles 13:12, 1 Chronicles 21:30)
· He is afraid to “lift up his hand” against leadership – even wicked leadership like Saul (2 Samuel 1:14)
· He said,
o “…whom shall I fear? The Lord is the strength of my life, of whom shall I be afraid?” (Psalm 27:11)
o “What time I AM AFRAID, I will trust in Thee.” (Psalm 56:3)
o “The floods of ungodly men made me afraid,” (Psalm 18:4)
o And “I will not be afraid of what man can do unto me.”
Such a clear picture is painted of another aspect of what made David “a man after God’s own heart,” and Saul a man, who though he displayed incredible potential, went down in infamy and self-annihilation – falling at the hand of despair.
FEAR or FAITH? DESPAIR or HOPE? FEAR OF MAN or FEAR OF GOD?
The answers to these questions will determine the ending of our lives. Saul did not die at the hand of the enemy – he died a death at his own hand. Despair had made him his own worst enemy.
We all face a cruel enemy. We all hear the same taunts and intimidating chants. We all endure war wounds. Will they be fatal? That choice is up to us. When the wounds of battle are inflicted, will we listen to the fatal lie whispered in our ear: “It’s over.” Will we operate in frantic and frenzy? Will we allow the devastating defeat of despair to set in? Will we allow the deadly infection of hopelessness to worsen the wound? Or will we CHOOSE to hear the voice of the Healer saying, “Lo. I am with you always, even unto the end of the age,” “I will never leave you nor forsake you,” and so many similar promises? On the battlefield of life, wounds are not optional, but the right response is. Don’t let the wound go to waste…it has a purpose. Don’t allow the story to end there. Don’t “fall on your sword.” Choose hope. Resist despair. – it’ll hurt you worse than the wound ever could.
Faith, not fear.
Fear is the devil’s signature. Fear is his calling card.